DUMB DUMB DUMBER.

Fri, 25 Mar 2005 19:15:17 GMT

Fri, 25 Mar 2005 04:03:28 GMT

i'm bleaching my hair and i'm scared. it's going to be so orange before it's so platinum.

Mon, 21 Mar 2005 20:04:14 GMT

being sick sucks. but it's okay really because i didn't go to school (for an actual reason) and i slept forever. matthew had to wear the headphones last night because he said my snoring sounded really sick. and he said i kept talking to him. he baught me fruit today and potato soup and cough drops. our room is messy and i need to clean it but i'd rather lay on the bed. it's hot out today which i've been wanting forever and i want to lay outside.

this weekend was surprisingly fun. st. patrick's party at jenni's which was funny because me her and holly fit together so well..for so many reasons. and then birthday festivites for chris which were kind of lame but me and matthew baught him cool presents. and then party at steven's with way too many lame people but a lot of fun. once again me and holly and jenni bonded over a lot of hilarious stuff like frumpy bitches and steven's room. okay. enough. all i've got to show for this weekend are cute shorts, new vans <3, and a soar throat. party.

Wed, 16 Mar 2005 20:14:49 GMT

everyone's lame.

edited.

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 04:58:21 GMT

there. <3

Wed, 09 Mar 2005 06:03:10 GMT

i wish people would just vocalize how they felt more often. i'm sorry if i seem incapable to talk to, but i swear to god that i'm really good at understanding. and i want to understand because learning is one of the most valuable things to me. i know i come off to people in all of these ways that are so untrue but if you don't know me then you won't understand. so just speak. seriously.

Mon, 07 Mar 2005 20:26:57 GMT

my tattoos pretty fucking big and pretty fucking beautiful. and yes, it fucking hurt like hell. i'll agree with holly 100% on 'that shit felt like hot razors' but i toughed it out and she did too and they rule.

Wed, 02 Mar 2005 06:33:18 GMT

me and holly are getting tattoos on sunday and i am terribly excited. mine is so hippie and lovely and i can't wait. i got the best snake for my birthday and she is beautiful and i will show you pictures sometime soon.

dude,
it's so my birthday.

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 22:28:19 GMT

so i cut my hair off.

and i edited the pictures because they were pretty low quality.

and me and holly are up and leaving tommorrow to seattle until saturday so who knows what that will be like. but i will miss you.

Tue, 25 Jan 2005 04:12:41 GMT

god i love my lover.

haircut this weekend.

next two months are going to be terrible.
i've been feeling hopeless, baby.

i don't know god.

Tue, 11 Jan 2005 00:59:44 GMT

one.

Mon, 06 Sep 2004 22:23:22 GMT

this journal is over with.

if you need me, i will find you.

Tue, 31 Aug 2004 00:21:48 GMT

that's the best explanation of my life i can give you.

Tue, 24 Aug 2004 03:12:16 GMT

jeanetta called me and wished me a happy birthday. i don't know anybody named jeanetta and it's not my birthday. but i guess she's done more than my dad has this whole year.

i keep getting these terrible headaches at night and i keep not saying things because i miss feeling like it was better to keep quiet. it's not.

i'm going to quit smoking because i've convinced myself that's where the headaches have came from and i am going to trade addictions so that i can become obsessed with like, excersizing, or something.

god loves ugly.

Tue, 10 Aug 2004 19:44:05 GMT

in good news:

seven <3

in bad news:

my mom's boyfriend hasn't called her in a week and a half which pretty much means he's gone and that really upsets me for like 5 thousand reasons but the number one reason is that no matter how nice a person seems they are always ugly somehow.

guess who.

Thu, 06 May 2004 20:14:34 GMT

i had a dream i murdered three of my friends.

Wed, 05 May 2004 08:54:04 GMT

the black keys are more rock n' roll than any of you. and oh boy, it gets me hot. hotter than coachella valley sunday afternoon, and and and i miss it.

nothing's.

Thu, 29 Apr 2004 16:20:33 GMT

i had a dream that i saw you working somewhere. you had a suit and a tie on and short hair and it took me too long to acknowledge you. i think i will call you tonight--despite the months that keep going on with silence that just makes it a little more awkward. i think i have things to say. i think i stopped talking to you when things were still happening, when we both were still thinking of how weird what we were doing was. i don't know, in any case you always had rough sides that made me too upset and too annoyed, but they were definitely distinctive, definitely yours, definitely something i was too used to. i miss them despite how nobody else does.

Thu, 22 Apr 2004 06:15:16 GMT

somewhere in the back of your mind you always
know that theres got to be somewhere better
to be, somewhere better to be going, some
stronger happiness with some body else.

you don't take for granted what you have
but you know that it's possible to be more thankful.

i could never be more thankful.
and there is no where better to be.
and there is no one i'd rather lay next to everynight.

i don't ever remember being this happy,
and i'm not sorry.

Sat, 17 Apr 2004 18:52:57 GMT

i've been lame lately. acting lame, is what i mean. especially toward matthew and i don't know why he doesn't even seem to care or notice. it's a good thing, but i feel sorry for it. i've become tons of things i didn't want to become, but the most relevant one is insecure. insecure in the way he feels. insecure in what he's doing or who he's looking at or whywhywhy is he so good to me. i've done this before with two people i really cared about, though it was a long time ago, both relationships ended up the same. me always making the other person feel like shit. making them feel like they did something wrong. just because i was fucking stupid and scared. well it's changin, i tell you. i'm not going to regress into someone i was like, two years ago.

blah blah blah. it's fucking raining when we planned on going to the beach. and i'd heard the rain outside of my window all morning. but i didn't even think of it. luckily, i can still fake tan.

i want pancakes.

Thu, 15 Apr 2004 05:38:08 GMT

at night i dream about him not feeling the way he says he does.

everything is so goddamn good
that i have to be scared.

Tue, 13 Apr 2004 22:14:03 GMT

chewy fell onto the counter shortly after on his side & i thought he was dead =( thankfully he's just sleeping.

ohtellmelove, TELL ME LOVE.

Mon, 12 Apr 2004 07:16:05 GMT

today it was 70 degrees so i sunbathed for a little while. and then i went to matthews and we sat on the cement outside of his window in the sun and sort of cuddled, and then blew bubbles in eachothers faces and ate easter candy that his parents bought us. he put a fake tattoo on his belly and we played tic tac toe. then i took a nap in his bed and he woke me up and we ordered pizza. we went bowling with everyone and then we made out in his bedroom. he gave me a green light bulb that sort of looks dirty yellow and i'm in love with it.

tomorrow i'm going to his house after school and he is going to sunbathe with me.

Sat, 10 Apr 2004 15:32:00 GMT

happy birthday, benny j. <3

Thu, 08 Apr 2004 18:32:19 GMT

today i'm going to do nothing. that sounds so good.